Monday, January 28, 2013


Let me start of by saying I love my kids with all my heart and would do anything for them.  However, being a mom is hard and overwhelming at times. There are moments when you just feel beat up. I cherish the moments I have with my children and I do the best that I can.  It is so hard to juggle so many things at once and there is never a moment that you are not a mom, but on call to act at any moment.  I am a mother of six and I know there are mothers who have more children than I and those who have less, but the challenges are the same.  Our greatest desire is for our children to be happy, healthy, successful, polite, well balance…. the list goes on and on. We want the best for our children no matter what.  As moms we have to have rules and there has to be some form of discipline or our children would run amuck.  Trust me I hate having to say no to my kids and to scold them in any way.  It sucks and it hurts. My parents used to say this hurts me more than it hurts you. I remember thinking to myself yeah right it does.

This morning my youngest Sarah who is a very strong willed 7yr old, thinks she is the boss, and always has to have the last word was angry.  Granted she had every right this morning to be upset because the tooth fairy was late picking up her tooth and her brother wouldn’t make her the same breakfast as his.  She had her own breakfast but she wanted what he had instead.  Sarah, my little girl knows how to take things way above drama at times. In moments like that so many emotions happen for a mom or any parent for that fact.  First of all you don’t like seeing them upset and you try to make it right and then when all your efforts have failed there is a full on fit taking place.  Here you are at a crossroad; you have tried everything to stop it from progressing, to keep them safe, and to teach them that this action is not ok.  Well, this morning I failed.  I lost my temper and yelled back.  Not the right choice I know and the moment I yelled back my heart broke.  I finally had to call my husband, he talked to her, and she settled down.  I let things calm down for a bit until we got to her school.  I knew I couldn’t leave things the way they were so I asked her to come up to the front seat where I was sitting took her in my arms and hugged her. I told her I was sorry and that I was wrong for yelling and that I loved her.  She too said she was sorry for acting the way she did and that she loves me too.  Moments like these makes being a mom hard.  I have come to understand that yes it hurts the parent but not more than it hurts the kids, that’s if you don’t do it the right way. The way we react and the things we say we can’t take back. We can say we are sorry but sorry doesn’t erase any hurt.  I had many options even though I felt I tried them all. I did not have to yell back.

I have to remind myself how God loves me, how patient He is with me and how He is firm but gentle in the way He disciplines.  The times He has to discipline He does out of love, not frustration or anger.  I love Sarah and I love all my kids, but if I am being honest there are moments where I get angry and frustrated. I am so thankful that I have a God who is such a wonderful Father that helps me grow as a parent. 

I just want to tell any other mom out there or father that I know it is hard and at times it does feel like you are just beat up, but it is ok and things will work out.  Turn to your Daddy in Heaven and let Him lead you and guide you as a parent.  There will be moments where we blow it, but give those moments to God and know that even though sorry doesn’t take way the hurt it can show your children love and show them that you still care even though you made a mistake.  I know along the way of trying to raise my kids the best way I know how I will mess up.  I also know that I can’t be too hard on myself either, but I can take those moments I blow it and learn, change and grow from it.

“Dear Father in Heaven please give me a heart like yours and the wisdom to raise my children in a way that is full of grace, love and mercy.  Let me be able to stop for the moment and remember your Grace for me.  Please lead me and guide me along the way.  Thank you for loving me and for giving me six beautiful gifts and allowing me to be their mother.”

Thursday, January 3, 2013

The Pebble

The Pebble
In the deep hallows of the majestic mountains stood a small girl not very old or strong. She stood at the edge of the lakeshore watching the still clear lake. Every once in a while the powerful winds would blow causing ripples throughout the water. She thought to herself “I wish I was powerful as the wind and I could make waves roll in the lake, but I am too small.”  She saw a motorboat plow through the lake that made big and fast moving waves that spread throughout the lake. She said “I wish I was as big and powerful as the motorboat so I could cause big waves in the water as well.” She looked at her tiny hands and said “I am too little to make a difference.” She sat down on the shore putting her little feet in the water and watched the lake some more. Across the lake she saw three boys playing.  Each boy would take rocks from the shore and would give it a good throw and the rocks skipped across the water.  After a little bit she saw small ripples glide across the lake until they reached her little toes that rested in the water as she sat. Wow, she thought to herself. “I wish I was as strong as those boys and could skip rocks across the water and make ripples that would reach the other side. As she sat there watching the small ripples pass over her little toes she got an idea.  She thought “maybe I can try to make waves too.” She got up and ran around the shore trying to find the biggest rock she could because she wanted to make some really big waves that would dance across the lake.  She stopped at one of the biggest rocks she could find.  The rock was as big as she was.  She was so excited she tried to push it, pull it, and lift it with all her might but she was too small.  “I knew that one was too big so I will have to find something a little smaller maybe half my size,” she said.  She didn’t go too far until she found a rock that was half her size. Again she tried to push it, pull it, and lift it with all her might but she was too small. With a big sigh she said “Still a little too big.”  She saw so many big rocks that aligned the river bed. All were too big so she decided to look at rocks that were further up on the shore. “Perfect”, she said I think I found it!” This rock came up just past her ankles.  She bent down, wrapped her tiny fingers around the rock as much as they could and gave a good push up with her knees and was barely able to lift the rock.  With her tiny little legs she took tiny little steps but couldn’t go very far.  She went as far as she could until she couldn’t go any further and dropped the rock.  As she dropped the rock she said “I knew I was too small.” She was mad and out of her anger she grabbed a little pebble and threw it with all her might into the lake. As the pebble landed in the lake it made a big slash and then ripple started to spread across the lake that seemed to go forever.  With amazement she watched the lake as the ripples danced across the water.  She had no idea that she had the power in her to cause such an effect.  Here she is just a little girl not very big and not very strong, but she made a difference that spread across the vast big lake.  With even more excitement she took one pebble after another and threw it in the lake and watched the ripples dance and dance and dance.  She was so happy and proud.  She remembered the wind, the boat and the boys in which all seemed more powerful than her, but even though she was little she still made a difference and was able to make waves in lake just like them, but her little pebble seemed to make more ripples than all of the more powerful means did.  We are all like that little girl and each of us have the power in us to make a difference one pebble at a time.