This morning my youngest Sarah who is a very strong willed 7yr old, thinks she is the boss, and always has to have the last word was angry. Granted she had every right this morning to be upset because the tooth fairy was late picking up her tooth and her brother wouldn’t make her the same breakfast as his. She had her own breakfast but she wanted what he had instead. Sarah, my little girl knows how to take things way above drama at times. In moments like that so many emotions happen for a mom or any parent for that fact. First of all you don’t like seeing them upset and you try to make it right and then when all your efforts have failed there is a full on fit taking place. Here you are at a crossroad; you have tried everything to stop it from progressing, to keep them safe, and to teach them that this action is not ok. Well, this morning I failed. I lost my temper and yelled back. Not the right choice I know and the moment I yelled back my heart broke. I finally had to call my husband, he talked to her, and she settled down. I let things calm down for a bit until we got to her school. I knew I couldn’t leave things the way they were so I asked her to come up to the front seat where I was sitting took her in my arms and hugged her. I told her I was sorry and that I was wrong for yelling and that I loved her. She too said she was sorry for acting the way she did and that she loves me too. Moments like these makes being a mom hard. I have come to understand that yes it hurts the parent but not more than it hurts the kids, that’s if you don’t do it the right way. The way we react and the things we say we can’t take back. We can say we are sorry but sorry doesn’t erase any hurt. I had many options even though I felt I tried them all. I did not have to yell back.
I have to remind myself how God loves me, how patient He is with me and how He is firm but gentle in the way He disciplines. The times He has to discipline He does out of love, not frustration or anger. I love Sarah and I love all my kids, but if I am being honest there are moments where I get angry and frustrated. I am so thankful that I have a God who is such a wonderful Father that helps me grow as a parent.
I just want to tell any other mom out there or father that I know it is hard and at times it does feel like you are just beat up, but it is ok and things will work out. Turn to your Daddy in Heaven and let Him lead you and guide you as a parent. There will be moments where we blow it, but give those moments to God and know that even though sorry doesn’t take way the hurt it can show your children love and show them that you still care even though you made a mistake. I know along the way of trying to raise my kids the best way I know how I will mess up. I also know that I can’t be too hard on myself either, but I can take those moments I blow it and learn, change and grow from it.
“Dear Father in Heaven please give me a heart like yours and the wisdom to raise my children in a way that is full of grace, love and mercy. Let me be able to stop for the moment and remember your Grace for me. Please lead me and guide me along the way. Thank you for loving me and for giving me six beautiful gifts and allowing me to be their mother.”