Memories

Memories

 

I remember when I was little and adults would say how old they were and I would think “wow that’s old.” Well, today I’m that old. Birthday’s tend to do a few things to me besides more grey hair as the older I get, they make me reflect on the past, be thankful for the now, and refocus for the future. Today went by as any other day besides birthday wishes from friends and family. I spent the day at a doctor’s appointment for my daughter Samantha to check on her heart because her primary pediatrician heard a murmur.  Thank heavens everything turned out good.  My sweet daughter took me out for lunch for my birthday; I dropped her off at work and went home.  My parents called and offered to get my two youngest girls, Sydney and Sarah from school for me so I took a nap, boy was that needed.  Later that evening we all went out to dinner.

 It was a nice day, but that night when I tried to sleep a time capsule of memories opened up and pictures of the past flashed through my mind.  I was overwhelmed with various emotions as one by one pictures of my past played.  Pictures of my childhood, my children, friends gone and I thought forgotten, my pets, you name it there they were there.  So many memories flooded my mind some precious memories and some of deep wounds that never truly healed.  Hours had gone by and still they kept coming.  With each tick of the clock a different picture, a different memory. Muffled sounds of laughter and tears echoed in my thoughts. There I laid silently in my bed with tears streaming down my face.

I got up and went to check on my kids as they slept.  I went back to bed and prayed. I thanked God for the memories and cried with Him.  What a sweet moment.  I prayed to wake up different and to be able to live more for Him.  I watched faces appear one by one and silently prayed for them.  Faces of those I dearly loved and lost like my younger brother Matthew, oh how I miss him. As his face appeared I reach out for him. Of course he wasn’t there but I sure do wish I could have given him a hug.  I also saw faces of people who hurt me deeply and of those I hurt.  There were times in my memory where I couldn’t remember.  Those were times of deep pain where I turned my heart off.  How amazing is God to give me some of those memories back.  I saw each of my children come into the world again and remembered holding them for the first time all over.  Oh, how precious to see their little faces, their hands, and little toes.  I watched them quickly grow up.

I was also reminded of opportunities missed and times of great regret.  Times of great accomplishments, fear, hope, joy, and sorrow.  I saw myself watching the world go by as I sat silently felt invisible to the world around me.  Everywhere I lived I saw again as if I was taking a tour of each home.  The detail was amazing, the sounds, the smells, and the feelings flooded all my senses.

Various songs played as sweet melodies danced to various tunes that I once loved. Songs that made my heart leap and a smile, yet others again brought tears to my eyes. The clock continued to tick on by. After a while the thought is this what it like to have your life flash before your eyes and for a moment feared I would die and felt as if I did I was ready to go.  Slowly I slipped off to dreamland where my dreams continued live on.  When I woke up I thanked God for the walk down memory lane.  What a wonderful gift from God.

With every memory I saw where God was. He was with me with each laugh, fearful moment, every heartache, times of pain, and with each tear.  He was right by my side.  He never left even when I walked away from Him.  He was there all those years of trying to be prefect so I would earn His love.  He was there all the time.  His promise was and is true.  He promised to never leave me or forsake me. He never judged me, He just loved me.

As I sit here writing this my heart is full of love and thanks.  I know this is the day after my birthday, but I do have a wish and that is if you don’t know God as your personal Savior than I pray you meet Him. He is there waiting for you.  He loves you and all He asks if that you repent and believe in His name.  That He died for your sins so that you are forgiven.  Trust in His name and reach out to Him. He has His hands out ready to take yours.  When you do accept Him things won’t be perfect but somehow better, because you are not alone and don’t have to walk through this world alone any more.

My other wish is that in some way I have touched your life in a positive way and made a difference.  If I have ever offended in any way I am sorry. Please forgive me.  I love each of you and keep you in my prayers.  I pray that your heart will be blessed and that today will be the beginning of the rest of your life.  Let go of the past, cherish the memories and move forward.  Trust me everything no matter how dark they might look right now will be ok.  Just keep taking one step forward even if you lose your footing and take a couple of steps back.  Your life is worth it and so are you.  Stay strong and keep holding on because there is hope and that hope is found in God.

With Love, Trish