January 1, 2015

January 1, 2015.  The first day of 2015 a new page to another chapter in my life.  As many I too have reflected on this past year.  2014 went by so fast.  Don’t get me wrong there were moments in 2014 that seemed like they would never end.  It was a year for new experiences, new friends and yes new trials.  This past year was a heavy one it came with many ups and a lot of downs.  2014 I struggled with finding myself and coming to terms with things of the past that I could and will never be able to change.  I faced many decisions where I had to really focus on what was really important.  I failed many times but managed to win a few rounds.  I did some things that I am not so proud of and yet made accomplishments that surprised myself.  Through trial and error I have come to know myself better and to come to know of a God that is just, yet so loving and patient.  My entire life I have lived in the shadows of who God wants me to be.  I have been so afraid to take chances and to give up control.  The silly thing is I never really had control any way.  I know that January 1, 2015 is just another day and a beginning of a new year.  Last night was a night to reflect and to celebrate but today is a new beginning, a new chance to make good, and a chance to let go. 

As everyone else in the house are still asleep and the house is silent.  All I can hear is the ticking of the clock in the background and the hum of the refrigerator.  It is amazing where your mind can go when it is silent and there are no distractions.  Though I am tired I feel encouraged.  I made it through another year and have another chance to make a difference.  Yesterday I was a bit down and my heart hurt for those who were hurting.  Also I was feeling inadequate and was questioning if I had made a difference in anyone’s life.  Today I am wondering how to move forward with this New Year.  I already know that there are some difficult decisions just around the corner and big changes to our family.  I do know one thing and that is as long as I have God in my life I will be able to face whatever may come my way.  Life isn’t easy and God never said it would be but with Him it is worth it.

My greatest desire besides having everyone come to know God as their personal Savior is to be able to be a light in the dark world and make a difference. God has been calling me to action and to complete some tasks and every year I make excuses and put them off.  My word for the year is “NO” which stands for NO more excuses and NO more fear.  This is a year for action and change. As I look to this New Year I am hopeful yet combobled of how to approach it and what plan of action do I take. Regardless action and change are necessary. 

“Dear God let me be able to focus on You and be able to say “NO” to the distractions of the world and the fear of the unknown that keeps me from moving forward. Please help me let go of the “what ifs” and the “what could have been” and just trust that You know what the future holds and that You hold it.  Please let me be light in this dark world and make a difference.  Thank you for allowing me to face another year and thank You for all You have given me and done for me.  Dear Father please be with those who are hurting and comfort them.  Dear God I pray that if there is anyone that does not trust in Your name and doesn’t know You that they will be able to.  Thank You again and for all the answered and unanswered prayers.”