Telling my Heart to Beat Again

Lately my heart has been a little sad and life has been overwhelming at times.  There have been many changes and disappointments, and to be honest it has felt like I have been being beaten to a bloody pulp.  Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  I have been trying to gather all the broken pieces of my heart and glue them back together with temporary fixes.  Of course none of these temporary fixes hold and things fall apart again, but this time those pieces are covered with more build up making those pieces more difficult to put together.  I am trying to get rid of the excess by forgiving those who have hurt me, make amends with those I have hurt, and to forgive myself.  Honestly, I tend to secretly hold onto things and it is difficult for me to let go.  I also tend to bottle things up allowing my heart to harden a bit and I try to shut it off so the pains I feel in my heart doesn’t hurt as much.  The problem is after doing this for a while I feel like I am just a shell without a heartbeat.  There is this song played on many Christian music stations sung by Danny, Gokey. “Tell Your Heart to Beat Again.” 

The lyrics are:

You're shattered

Like you've never been before

The life you knew

In a thousand pieces on the floor

And words fall short in times like these

When this world drives you to your knees

You think you're never gonna get back

To the you that used to be

Tell your heart to beat again

Close your eyes and breathe it in

Let the shadows fall away

Step into the light of grace

Yesterday's a closing door

You don't live there anymore

Say goodbye to where you've been

And tell your heart to beat again

Beginning

Just let that word wash over you

It's alright now

Love's healing hands have pulled you through

So get back up, take step one

Leave the darkness, feel the sun

Cause your story's far from over

And your journey's just begun

Tell your heart to beat again

Close your eyes and breathe it in

Let the shadows fall away

Step into the light of grace

Yesterday's a closing door

You don't live there anymore

Say goodbye to where you've been

And tell your heart to beat again

Let every heartbreak

And every scar

Be a picture that reminds you

Who has carried you this far

'Cause love sees farther than you ever could

In this moment heaven's working

Everything for your good

Tell your heart to beat again

Close your eyes and breathe it in

Let the shadows fall away

Step into the light of grace

Yesterday's a closing door

You don't live there anymore

Say goodbye to where you've been

And tell your heart to beat again

Your heart to beat again

Beat again

Oh, so tell your heart to beat again

Every time I hear it played it is like a defibrillator jump starting my heart.  I have had to be resuscitated before and it hurts, but you have to choose to keep living.  This morning when I was getting the kids ready for school and myself ready for the day I was feeling down and had a lot of doubts going through my mind.  I was feeling defeated.  When I looked down I saw a beaded necklace laying on the floor in the shape of a heart just coming out of the shadows in the morning light.

God is good.  He and I have a love language of our own.  I love hearts and it seems like when I am down and need some encouragement, strength, a hug, smile…… God knows exactly what I need at the time and sends me a heart.  This morning the heart came in the form of a broken beaded necklace coming out of the shadows.  I know that it sounds silly, but every time I find a heart I am reminded of God’s love for me.  To think that He knows the prefect time to send a little hug that warms my heart.

When I got in the car to take my two youngest to school the first song on the radio was, Tell Your Heart to Beat again.  Ok God, I get it, I need to start living again and allow my heart to beat again, to feel and to love freely.  I need to let go of all the things steeling the beats of my heart and start filling my heart with those things that allow my heart to beat freely.  I need to let go of the pain, the resentment, the fear, the doubt, anger, worries…..the list goes on and on.  I need to forgive not only those who hurt me but myself.  I need to turn away from those things that steal my life and joy.  I need to stand up for what is right and gives life.  Most of all I need to give my heart to God with all the broken and tattered pieces, along with all the excess build up from me trying to fix it myself.  God is the great physician however, we have to let Him have our heart so he can heal it and we have to choose to tell our hearts to be again.

“Thank you God, for never giving up on me, for always reminding me that You love me, and always giving me what I need to make it through whatever life throws my way.  Thank you for taking all the broken pieces of my heart and life and for putting them back together.  I love you with my all and thank you for every single beat of my heart.”