The house is quite. Everyone is asleep. All that can be heard is the ticking of the clock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock. With a steady beat the clock counts each second. As I sit here alone listening to the clock my thoughts began to reflect back in time passed. Memories keep flooding my mind. Some joyous and others heart wrenching. So much has happened in my life. Questions of what if keep popping in my mind. I quickly push those questions aside by saying God was and still is in control. Just a little bit ago I was watching music videos on Youtube praising God to the songs. As the pictures appeared one by one I was amazed at the beauty that God created. The words of the songs pierced my heart as I heard God’s love for me in the music. What a wonderful Savior.
Easter is fast approaching and I have been worried about the kids Easter outfits, collecting little trinkets to put in the kids basket, and what we are going to do for Easter that I forgot about the reason we celebrate Easter to begin with. I read a post earlier. It asked the question, Has Christ dying on the cross made a difference in my life? Indeed it did. No doubt that His sacrifice made all the difference. I was once walking through life with no peace, no meaning, and without hope. But when I realized that Christ died for me as well as for everyone else, I was overcome with joy and a weight was lifted. But when I found out that it was His gift to me because He loved me just because and not because I had to earn it, I was no longer afraid and I had hope, reassurance, and felt true joy for the first time in my life. I am nothing without Him. As I sit here and try to put what I am feeling in words I can't find the right ones. All I know is everything I have been through good and bad was for a reason, and that was to bring me closer to God. Right now my heart is overflowing with emotion and love for God. His mercies are never ending. Despite everything I have done in my life and at times forget what is truly important God still loves me the same. On my own I could never be good enough, but God fills in all the gaps.
The past several months I have been in a fog. After my brother died, apart of me shut down. I guess you can say I have been on automatic pilot ever since. Just going through the motions and trying to live without emotion. So many people I love are hurting. I wish I could make it all better, but I can't. The past few days I have been praying that my heart would come back to life and that I can live again, but with a closer walk with God. Right now my heart is on fire, I want to be able to share the love of Jesus with everyone. I wish they could know what I know and that is about a loving Savior who loves them and with Him there is hope. That with Him no matter what may happen in our lives we are not alone. That each of us has a purpose. Even on our darkest days God still loves us. Nothing we can do can make Him love us less. His love isn’t earned and can't be earned. He loves us just because and just the way we are. He didn't have to die on the cross for us, take our sins upon Himself and pay for them with His own blood. He did that because He loves each and every one of us. I look at my kids and my heart fills with love for them. My love for my children doesn't even come close to how much God loves us. My prayer is that everyone just doesn't have a Happy Easter but will remember why we have Easter. As Christ rose again let us lay down the past and live again in Him and for Him. I pray that our lives will be a light to all those who may not know Him. Dear God, thank you for loving me enough to die for me and for giving my life when I had no hope.