Memories

Memories

 

I remember when I was little and adults would say how old they were and I would think “wow that’s old.” Well, today I’m that old. Birthday’s tend to do a few things to me besides more grey hair as the older I get, they make me reflect on the past, be thankful for the now, and refocus for the future. Today went by as any other day besides birthday wishes from friends and family. I spent the day at a doctor’s appointment for my daughter Samantha to check on her heart because her primary pediatrician heard a murmur.  Thank heavens everything turned out good.  My sweet daughter took me out for lunch for my birthday; I dropped her off at work and went home.  My parents called and offered to get my two youngest girls, Sydney and Sarah from school for me so I took a nap, boy was that needed.  Later that evening we all went out to dinner.

 It was a nice day, but that night when I tried to sleep a time capsule of memories opened up and pictures of the past flashed through my mind.  I was overwhelmed with various emotions as one by one pictures of my past played.  Pictures of my childhood, my children, friends gone and I thought forgotten, my pets, you name it there they were there.  So many memories flooded my mind some precious memories and some of deep wounds that never truly healed.  Hours had gone by and still they kept coming.  With each tick of the clock a different picture, a different memory. Muffled sounds of laughter and tears echoed in my thoughts. There I laid silently in my bed with tears streaming down my face.

I got up and went to check on my kids as they slept.  I went back to bed and prayed. I thanked God for the memories and cried with Him.  What a sweet moment.  I prayed to wake up different and to be able to live more for Him.  I watched faces appear one by one and silently prayed for them.  Faces of those I dearly loved and lost like my younger brother Matthew, oh how I miss him. As his face appeared I reach out for him. Of course he wasn’t there but I sure do wish I could have given him a hug.  I also saw faces of people who hurt me deeply and of those I hurt.  There were times in my memory where I couldn’t remember.  Those were times of deep pain where I turned my heart off.  How amazing is God to give me some of those memories back.  I saw each of my children come into the world again and remembered holding them for the first time all over.  Oh, how precious to see their little faces, their hands, and little toes.  I watched them quickly grow up.

I was also reminded of opportunities missed and times of great regret.  Times of great accomplishments, fear, hope, joy, and sorrow.  I saw myself watching the world go by as I sat silently felt invisible to the world around me.  Everywhere I lived I saw again as if I was taking a tour of each home.  The detail was amazing, the sounds, the smells, and the feelings flooded all my senses.

Various songs played as sweet melodies danced to various tunes that I once loved. Songs that made my heart leap and a smile, yet others again brought tears to my eyes. The clock continued to tick on by. After a while the thought is this what it like to have your life flash before your eyes and for a moment feared I would die and felt as if I did I was ready to go.  Slowly I slipped off to dreamland where my dreams continued live on.  When I woke up I thanked God for the walk down memory lane.  What a wonderful gift from God.

With every memory I saw where God was. He was with me with each laugh, fearful moment, every heartache, times of pain, and with each tear.  He was right by my side.  He never left even when I walked away from Him.  He was there all those years of trying to be prefect so I would earn His love.  He was there all the time.  His promise was and is true.  He promised to never leave me or forsake me. He never judged me, He just loved me.

As I sit here writing this my heart is full of love and thanks.  I know this is the day after my birthday, but I do have a wish and that is if you don’t know God as your personal Savior than I pray you meet Him. He is there waiting for you.  He loves you and all He asks if that you repent and believe in His name.  That He died for your sins so that you are forgiven.  Trust in His name and reach out to Him. He has His hands out ready to take yours.  When you do accept Him things won’t be perfect but somehow better, because you are not alone and don’t have to walk through this world alone any more.

My other wish is that in some way I have touched your life in a positive way and made a difference.  If I have ever offended in any way I am sorry. Please forgive me.  I love each of you and keep you in my prayers.  I pray that your heart will be blessed and that today will be the beginning of the rest of your life.  Let go of the past, cherish the memories and move forward.  Trust me everything no matter how dark they might look right now will be ok.  Just keep taking one step forward even if you lose your footing and take a couple of steps back.  Your life is worth it and so are you.  Stay strong and keep holding on because there is hope and that hope is found in God.

With Love, Trish

The Day After Tragedy

The Day after Tragedy

 

Yesterday as tragic as it was I was encouraged by the people there.  In the midst of the bombs going off people ran to it and helped those in need.  As much evil there is in the world I have to believe that there is as much if not more good in the world.  I was watching the images and I saw a number of people without their shirts and at first I thought it was odd but then I realized that these people took the shirts off their own backs to help those in need.

This world is bombarded with attacks on the innocence and each and every time others stand up against the evil, people come together, and some sacrificed their own safety and sometimes lives to help others.   Yes, there is evil in this world, but when push comes to shove people come together regardless of beliefs, religion, race, and political views. United we stand.

On our way to drop the kids off to school I was able to talk to my kids again about what happened yesterday in Boston.  We had a chance to pray for those fighting for their lives and those grieving.  My heart was touched by the tenderness of theirs.  We talked about the evil in this world and we talked about the good as well.  We talked about how we will not live in fear and that our greatest weapon against evil is prayer. The statement was brought up that no one can take our prayers away from us, and no one can take away what we keep good inside us. We talked about how tragedy can united others and how good can come out of something so bad. We talked about God and the love He has for us.  It was a good talk.

I never want my children to live in fear, but I want them to stand strong and live their life.  Sydney my 11yr old daughter said, “it is like we are in God’s army and we need to fight back with our prayers for others.”  That is so true and so bold of a statement.  It is up to us to come together united in prayer and fight against the evils of this world.  When we our united we are stronger.  I will stand proud to be in the army of God and I will fight against the evil in this world and pray for a nation, a world, a people to come to know Christ as their personal Savior. 

My heart and prayers continue to go out to those hurting and in need.  My prayers will continue for justice, for a world to come together and fight for what is right, and for my children to never live in fear.

Boston Our Prayers Are With You

Boston Our Prayers Are With You

 

As I was sitting listening to the news my daughter Sarah asked me why would someone do that and all I could tell her that there is only one word to describe what happened today in Boston and that is “EVIL.” I had to tell her that there is evil in this world and there are people who do evil things.  Sydney turns and say “Is there anywhere in this world that is safe.” Oh, my poor little girl, I thought in my mind.  I don’t want her to live in fear.  We started to talk more and I had to tell her that yes there is evil in this world and bad things can happen at any time, but you can’t live in fear.  I told her that we have to put our trust in God.  God knows and He loves us.  We live in a world that is uncertain but God is in control.  I had to explain to her that we may not understand why God allows things like this, but I know that God can turn this tragedy in to something good.  I told her that “no, we can never replace the lives that were lost and take away the pain and fear of those hurt, but God can turn our Ashes into beauty.”  I told her that we will continue to live our life and not live in fear but we will stand strong and continue to trust in God. Sydney than asked what can we do to help and I told her we can pray.

My heart and prayers go out to those affected by this tragic event.  To those who were injured, to the loved ones of those hurt, to the families of those who lost their life, and those still fighting for their lives know that the prayers of a nation are with you.  Let us remember that we are “one Nation under God.” There is one thing that I know to be true about America is when tragedy strike America Unites.  America may be diverse in so many ways, but it is a nation that stands together when we are attacked.

There is one way we can unite and that is to give comfort to those in need. 

When tragedy strikes people need comfort.  2 Corinthians says, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.”

In times of sorrow and tragedy Christ wants to give comfort to the hurting. His love eternal and His love never dies. The presence of Christ brings peace to the troubled, hope to the hopeless and strength to the weak.

The Greek word for comfort literally means “to come alongside and help.” Comfort does not remove our sufferings but it does bring us strength, encouragement and hope. When we go through hard times, Christ comes by our side and helps us.

Life is uncertain. One moment you can be living out your greatest dream and the next you could be taken from this world. No one knows what tomorrow holds but you can know who holds tomorrow. Christ stands by your side, no matter what the day brings and offers you help, healing and hope.

When tragedy strikes people need hope.  On this eve of such sadness and fear turn to the one that comforts and the one who gives hope.  Isaiah 41:10 – “Don’t worry, because I am with you. Don’t be afraid, because I am your God. I will make you strong and will help you. I will support you.”  As I told my daughter we will stand strong and not live in fear, but we will continue to trust in God.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever and His promises are not fleeting but eternal. He has promised to never leave us or forsake us.  Let us cling to our Savior and stand together as a nation, give comfort to those who are hurting, and stand for justice.

  “I pledge Allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all.”

The Love of Easter

As a family we have been watching the Bible Series every Sunday evening and it has brought up many questions for my two youngest children.  If you really think about it they are taught from a young age in Sunday school Bible stories.  The difference is in Sunday school many times it is watered down or made to be softer than it really is.  Don’t get me wrong I am thankful for all the Sunday school teachers and the many lessons they have taught my children growing up.  I am guilty of the same thing.  However, watching the Bible series as a family has opened many conversations about God and Bible times.  Especially this last episode where it was about the birth of Jesus and this coming Sunday will be about the crucifixion and resurrection of our Lord and Savior.  All of my children believe in the death and resurrection and each have a personal relationship with Him, but I have to ask do they really understand the gravity of what really happened to Him?  Putting the kids aside do we truly understand and know how much He suffered for each of us.  Do we really understand why?

A number of years ago a friend and I were watching “The Passion of the Christ” and it came to the part where they were whipping Jesus and pieces of His flesh were being ripped off him with each blow.  In the middle of the theater I stood up and yelled as loud as I could “Leave Him alone!!!”  I have heard the story of the crucifixion and the moments leading up to it many times, but when I saw it on the big screen it gave it a whole new meaning.  The one thought that kept going through my mind was at any moment He could have stopped it but He let them spit on Him, call Him names, torture Him, and kill Him. The question is why?  Well the question is answered with one word and it is “love.”  Love kept Him on that cross.  He loved us so much that He gave His life freely so that we could be forgiven and would be able to live with Him for all eternity.  He could have made all of us believe but He gives us the choice.

I remember one Sunday I was teaching about Easter and the moments leading up to Christ’s resurrection and one of the girls asked “why would He go through so much pain and die for what, our sins; being that He is God couldn’t he make everyone love Him?”  I said yes, He could have, but it is like this, I am a mom and I could tell my kids to say that they love me and demand that they love me, but I would rather them be willing and because they truly love me to tell me that they love me.  I don’t want my kids to love me because they have to, but because the want to.  God is God and He can make us do anything if he truly wanted to, but because He loves us so much He gave us the freedom of choice, so we can choose to love Him and believe in Him because we want to and we really do not because we are made to.  As a parent there is no greater feeling than when my kids of their free will come up to me and say I love you.

As much as I love my children my love for them is nothing compared to how much God love His children; us those who believe in Him.  He will do anything and has in order for us to return to Him someday when we leave this life.  He also wants to be a part of our lives while we are still here on this earth.  Trust me I have had life with Him and without Him part of it.  Life may not be easier because He is in my life but I promise you it has been easier to bear.

The Easter holiday is filled with fun traditions, with Easter eggs, candy, the Easter bunny, and so on, but if you think about it what is the true meaning of why we celebrate Easter to begin with?  Don’t get me wrong I love dying eggs with my kids and watching their faces lite up as they see their Easter baskets, but I wish that they could have the same reaction when they hear the story of how Christ died and rose again.

Over the years I have lost loved ones and I know many others who have lost loved ones as well.  Feeling the loss of someone so close to you is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through.  The only peace I have is the hope that Christ has given me when He died on the cross for the forgiveness of all mankind.  John 3:16 says it all. For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son that whoever believes Him shall not parish but with have eternal life.  So the comfort I find is that the parting I have with those loved and lost are only but a moment in time.  Because of Christ giving His life so we can live gives me comfort that I will see them again.  What a blessing to have that assurance.

This Easter take the time to reflect on what Christ truly did for us and share it with those you love. The fact of the matter is that Christ did suffer and die on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins so that we will never have to be apart from Him. The fact of the matter is He was buried and rose again which is why we can have the hope and assurance in a future with God as our personal Savior.

I know that there are those who will chose not to believe and that is their right, but my prayer is that you will know in your heart that there is a God that loves you enough to die for you.  I pray that you will come to know God as your personal Savior and have a relationship with Him.  The reason we celebrate Easter is because of His resurrection. There is nothing in this world that is more powerful than the Risen King and the power of His Grace.

 

 

 

A Time for Everything

This morning I am in tears.  My heart is full of so many emotions.  My mother has been in the hospital for several days due to back surgery, my second oldest daughter Shannon is getting ready to go clear across the country on a mission trip to Romania, and my third daughter  Samantha is getting ready to graduate here in a couple of months.  So many things on the verge of great change and I have so many mixed emotions to go along with them.  My heart is sorrowful to see my mom in pain and nerves for the future, my heart is proud for my daughter Shannon as she embarks on a great adventure serving those children in the orphanage in Romania, but I already miss her and I am trying not to focus on the what if’s.  What about my daughter Samantha getting ready to graduate high school and start living her life as an adult, I am happy and proud for her but yet again letting go is so hard.  All my children are growing up.  I can’t believe that my oldest daughter Stephanie is already married.  She has lived away from home for 4yrs now, but my heart still misses her.  This is strange time in my life.  Half the time I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster as I try to let go.

I have spent the majority of my children’s lives as a stay home mom and have invested so much time and my heart into each of my 6 kids.  It seems like time has just flown by.  A part of me wants to reverse time and start all over again with each and every one of them.  As a parent we can only do the best we can with what we have.  As I look back over the years I see so many mistakes I have made as a mom and see how I could have been there for the more and spent more time with them instead of all the time I wasted on so many things that really wasn’t as important as my children.  However, we as parents are growing up right along with our kids.  I know I can’t be too hard on myself, because I am not perfect, but I am thankful that I have a prefect God that has been there with me as I was trying to raise my children in the right way.

As my parents are getting older and as I watch their health quickly deteriorate, I find myself reflecting on my childhood.  I find myself becoming more of a caregiver for them.  I wish I could say that I am facing this idea gracefully but I can’t.  The thought of this scares me something terrible.  I am finding myself in a whirlwind of emotion.  I hate to see them get older and to see them hurt.  I am so unsure on how to approach these remaining years of my parents’ lives. 

I am waiting for my real estate’s license to get processed and to get to work.  This too is an exciting but scary time for me.  I have focused so many years on my family and now that the kids are getting older I can start focusing on myself.  It has been an amazingly crazy life so far.  Though this time in my life seems to be a time of much change I know that God is in control.  I wish there was a pause button so I could just sit back and take a breath though. 

 Ecclesiastes 3 says it so well, there is a time for everything;

 There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

    a time to tear down and a time to build,

 a time to weep and a time to laugh,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

 a time to search and a time to give up,

    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

 a time to tear and a time to mend,

    a time to be silent and a time to speak,

 a time to love and a time to hate,

    a time for war and a time for peace.

So whatever season I find myself in, I have peace knowing that God is there with me and will continue to do so.  Whatever season you may find yourself in know that God still loves you and will be there to comfort you, to guide you, and to give you strength. 

I am so thankful to know that I will never be truly alone and that no matter what season I find myself in God can and will give me peace.

“Dear Father in Heaven, thank you for everything and for being with me in every season of my life.  Please God give me strength as I face so many unknowns ahead of me.  Please lead me and guide me along the way.  Help me not to focus so much on the what if’s and the what could have been.   Please let me be able to learn from the past and not dwell it. Help me to be able to not worry about tomorrow but to lean on you to guide me through. Dear God, please comfort my spirit and give peace to my heart as life continues to march on.  Give me strength to face whatever comes my way.   Most of all help me keep my eyes on you, to always be thankful and find the good in every situation.  Amen”

The Little Old Lady and the Hummer

The other day I saw this really small framed little old lady driving through the store parking lot in a Hummer.  When I first saw the hummer I had to take a second glance because it looked like there wasn’t anyone behind the wheel. This little old lady was so small, her hands where stretched above her head and all you could see was a wrinkled hunched over old lady peeking through the wheel.  She parked it and I so wanted to see how she was going to get down.  I wish I would have stopped and watched to see how she did, but I was in a hurry.  However the picture of that little old lady driving that hummer wouldn’t leave my mind.  At the beginning of the New Year I chose a word to represent my New Year resolution and I chose Fearless.  That doesn’t mean live my life carelessly and so crazy doing dangerous things it simply means to Trust God and live for God in whom He called me to be, to live fearless and step out in faith.  I hate to say it but I have not lived very fearlessly but in some ways I have lived cowardly as I try to stay in my comfort zone and keep trying to control the outcome of my life.  I found great comfort thinking about that little old lady in the hummer.  She definitely was living fearlessly.  She didn’t make excuses, she simple believed she could.  Sometimes in life our problems seem too big and we see no way we could possibly to face them.  I don’t know about you but I tend to size up the problem and then look at my limitations and say I don’t think I can.  Well, to be truthful I can’t, that is I can’t by myself.  Instead of sizing up the problem and looking at my limitations maybe I should put my focus on a BIG GOD.  That little old lady could barely see over the wheel but let me ask you a question who was controlling the steering wheel? Was it her feeling her way as she drove or could it be her letting God take the wheel and having faith in a Big God knowing He will lead her safely to where she needed to go.  I know this is a stretch comparing an little old lady driving a hummer to life, but as I look at it I could be like that little old lady and overcome my short comings (sorry was not meant to be a pun), live life trusting in a Big God and letting Him take the wheel or choosing to sit at home afraid to live my life letting it pass by.  I want to live boldly and live fearlessly for God.  The choice is up to you as well, what do you chose?  I am thankful for seeing that little old lady in the hummer and I pray that when I start to fear or have doubt that I will be reminded of how despite her obvious limitations she still chose to live and to be fearless.  I will pray the same for you.  So live today boldly and fearlessly for God and take the step of faith God has been calling you to take.

Parenthood

Let me start of by saying I love my kids with all my heart and would do anything for them.  However, being a mom is hard and overwhelming at times. There are moments when you just feel beat up. I cherish the moments I have with my children and I do the best that I can.  It is so hard to juggle so many things at once and there is never a moment that you are not a mom, but on call to act at any moment.  I am a mother of six and I know there are mothers who have more children than I and those who have less, but the challenges are the same.  Our greatest desire is for our children to be happy, healthy, successful, polite, well balance…. the list goes on and on. We want the best for our children no matter what.  As moms we have to have rules and there has to be some form of discipline or our children would run amuck.  Trust me I hate having to say no to my kids and to scold them in any way.  It sucks and it hurts. My parents used to say this hurts me more than it hurts you. I remember thinking to myself yeah right it does.

This morning my youngest Sarah who is a very strong willed 7yr old, thinks she is the boss, and always has to have the last word was angry.  Granted she had every right this morning to be upset because the tooth fairy was late picking up her tooth and her brother wouldn’t make her the same breakfast as his.  She had her own breakfast but she wanted what he had instead.  Sarah, my little girl knows how to take things way above drama at times. In moments like that so many emotions happen for a mom or any parent for that fact.  First of all you don’t like seeing them upset and you try to make it right and then when all your efforts have failed there is a full on fit taking place.  Here you are at a crossroad; you have tried everything to stop it from progressing, to keep them safe, and to teach them that this action is not ok.  Well, this morning I failed.  I lost my temper and yelled back.  Not the right choice I know and the moment I yelled back my heart broke.  I finally had to call my husband, he talked to her, and she settled down.  I let things calm down for a bit until we got to her school.  I knew I couldn’t leave things the way they were so I asked her to come up to the front seat where I was sitting took her in my arms and hugged her. I told her I was sorry and that I was wrong for yelling and that I loved her.  She too said she was sorry for acting the way she did and that she loves me too.  Moments like these makes being a mom hard.  I have come to understand that yes it hurts the parent but not more than it hurts the kids, that’s if you don’t do it the right way. The way we react and the things we say we can’t take back. We can say we are sorry but sorry doesn’t erase any hurt.  I had many options even though I felt I tried them all. I did not have to yell back.

I have to remind myself how God loves me, how patient He is with me and how He is firm but gentle in the way He disciplines.  The times He has to discipline He does out of love, not frustration or anger.  I love Sarah and I love all my kids, but if I am being honest there are moments where I get angry and frustrated. I am so thankful that I have a God who is such a wonderful Father that helps me grow as a parent. 

I just want to tell any other mom out there or father that I know it is hard and at times it does feel like you are just beat up, but it is ok and things will work out.  Turn to your Daddy in Heaven and let Him lead you and guide you as a parent.  There will be moments where we blow it, but give those moments to God and know that even though sorry doesn’t take way the hurt it can show your children love and show them that you still care even though you made a mistake.  I know along the way of trying to raise my kids the best way I know how I will mess up.  I also know that I can’t be too hard on myself either, but I can take those moments I blow it and learn, change and grow from it.

“Dear Father in Heaven please give me a heart like yours and the wisdom to raise my children in a way that is full of grace, love and mercy.  Let me be able to stop for the moment and remember your Grace for me.  Please lead me and guide me along the way.  Thank you for loving me and for giving me six beautiful gifts and allowing me to be their mother.”

The Pebble

The Pebble

In the deep hallows of the majestic mountains stood a small girl not very old or strong. She stood at the edge of the lakeshore watching the still clear lake. Every once in a while the powerful winds would blow causing ripples throughout the water. She thought to herself “I wish I was powerful as the wind and I could make waves roll in the lake, but I am too small.”  She saw a motorboat plow through the lake that made big and fast moving waves that spread throughout the lake. She said “I wish I was as big and powerful as the motorboat so I could cause big waves in the water as well.” She looked at her tiny hands and said “I am too little to make a difference.” She sat down on the shore putting her little feet in the water and watched the lake some more. Across the lake she saw three boys playing.  Each boy would take rocks from the shore and would give it a good throw and the rocks skipped across the water.  After a little bit she saw small ripples glide across the lake until they reached her little toes that rested in the water as she sat. Wow, she thought to herself. “I wish I was as strong as those boys and could skip rocks across the water and make ripples that would reach the other side. As she sat there watching the small ripples pass over her little toes she got an idea.  She thought “maybe I can try to make waves too.” She got up and ran around the shore trying to find the biggest rock she could because she wanted to make some really big waves that would dance across the lake.  She stopped at one of the biggest rocks she could find.  The rock was as big as she was.  She was so excited she tried to push it, pull it, and lift it with all her might but she was too small.  “I knew that one was too big so I will have to find something a little smaller maybe half my size,” she said.  She didn’t go too far until she found a rock that was half her size. Again she tried to push it, pull it, and lift it with all her might but she was too small. With a big sigh she said “Still a little too big.”  She saw so many big rocks that aligned the river bed. All were too big so she decided to look at rocks that were further up on the shore. “Perfect”, she said I think I found it!” This rock came up just past her ankles.  She bent down, wrapped her tiny fingers around the rock as much as they could and gave a good push up with her knees and was barely able to lift the rock.  With her tiny little legs she took tiny little steps but couldn’t go very far.  She went as far as she could until she couldn’t go any further and dropped the rock.  As she dropped the rock she said “I knew I was too small.” She was mad and out of her anger she grabbed a little pebble and threw it with all her might into the lake. As the pebble landed in the lake it made a big slash and then ripple started to spread across the lake that seemed to go forever.  With amazement she watched the lake as the ripples danced across the water.  She had no idea that she had the power in her to cause such an effect.  Here she is just a little girl not very big and not very strong, but she made a difference that spread across the vast big lake.  With even more excitement she took one pebble after another and threw it in the lake and watched the ripples dance and dance and dance.  She was so happy and proud.  She remembered the wind, the boat and the boys in which all seemed more powerful than her, but even though she was little she still made a difference and was able to make waves in lake just like them, but her little pebble seemed to make more ripples than all of the more powerful means did.  We are all like that little girl and each of us have the power in us to make a difference one pebble at a time.