Tuesday, March 19, 2013

A Time for Everything

This morning I am in tears.  My heart is full of so many emotions.  My mother has been in the hospital for several days due to back surgery, my second oldest daughter Shannon is getting ready to go clear across the country on a mission trip to Romania, and my third daughter  Samantha is getting ready to graduate here in a couple of months.  So many things on the verge of great change and I have so many mixed emotions to go along with them.  My heart is sorrowful to see my mom in pain and nerves for the future, my heart is proud for my daughter Shannon as she embarks on a great adventure serving those children in the orphanage in Romania, but I already miss her and I am trying not to focus on the what if’s.  What about my daughter Samantha getting ready to graduate high school and start living her life as an adult, I am happy and proud for her but yet again letting go is so hard.  All my children are growing up.  I can’t believe that my oldest daughter Stephanie is already married.  She has lived away from home for 4yrs now, but my heart still misses her.  This is strange time in my life.  Half the time I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster as I try to let go.

I have spent the majority of my children’s lives as a stay home mom and have invested so much time and my heart into each of my 6 kids.  It seems like time has just flown by.  A part of me wants to reverse time and start all over again with each and every one of them.  As a parent we can only do the best we can with what we have.  As I look back over the years I see so many mistakes I have made as a mom and see how I could have been there for the more and spent more time with them instead of all the time I wasted on so many things that really wasn’t as important as my children.  However, we as parents are growing up right along with our kids.  I know I can’t be too hard on myself, because I am not perfect, but I am thankful that I have a prefect God that has been there with me as I was trying to raise my children in the right way.

As my parents are getting older and as I watch their health quickly deteriorate, I find myself reflecting on my childhood.  I find myself becoming more of a caregiver for them.  I wish I could say that I am facing this idea gracefully but I can’t.  The thought of this scares me something terrible.  I am finding myself in a whirlwind of emotion.  I hate to see them get older and to see them hurt.  I am so unsure on how to approach these remaining years of my parents’ lives. 

I am waiting for my real estate’s license to get processed and to get to work.  This too is an exciting but scary time for me.  I have focused so many years on my family and now that the kids are getting older I can start focusing on myself.  It has been an amazingly crazy life so far.  Though this time in my life seems to be a time of much change I know that God is in control.  I wish there was a pause button so I could just sit back and take a breath though. 

 Ecclesiastes 3 says it so well, there is a time for everything;

 There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

    a time to tear down and a time to build,

 a time to weep and a time to laugh,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

 a time to search and a time to give up,

    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

 a time to tear and a time to mend,

    a time to be silent and a time to speak,

 a time to love and a time to hate,

    a time for war and a time for peace.

So whatever season I find myself in, I have peace knowing that God is there with me and will continue to do so.  Whatever season you may find yourself in know that God still loves you and will be there to comfort you, to guide you, and to give you strength. 

I am so thankful to know that I will never be truly alone and that no matter what season I find myself in God can and will give me peace.

“Dear Father in Heaven, thank you for everything and for being with me in every season of my life.  Please God give me strength as I face so many unknowns ahead of me.  Please lead me and guide me along the way.  Help me not to focus so much on the what if’s and the what could have been.   Please let me be able to learn from the past and not dwell it. Help me to be able to not worry about tomorrow but to lean on you to guide me through. Dear God, please comfort my spirit and give peace to my heart as life continues to march on.  Give me strength to face whatever comes my way.   Most of all help me keep my eyes on you, to always be thankful and find the good in every situation.  Amen”

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