Monday, August 13, 2012

The Brick

One by one I stacked the bricks each carried a lie, a crushed dream, a hurt, a pain, or sorrow.  One by one they reinforce that I am not good enough.  The wall grows higher and starts to surround me.  It keeps growing higher and higher until the sky grows dim.  It all started so innocence, with a simple word or thought.  A fake smile, a phony laugh; it meant no harm or did it? The self-doubt, the questions like am I, could I be, turned to reality. So I laid the first brick down and started a foundation of lies.  With each brick less of me was there. The thoughts that I was completely alone and that no one cared set in.  Loneliness, fear, and shame consumed me.  The question who am I became my life’s thought.  I continued to build the wall so high and completely around me until only a glimmer of light could be seen.  There I set alone, cold and afraid.  Now what? How do I get out? Does anyone notice that I am gone? As I sit alone my tears flow deep as my hearts weeps.  I try to climb out but the wall is too steep and I am not strong enough to pull myself up.  I try to dig myself out but the ground is too hard.  It is hopeless; I am stuck within my walls of lies.  I whisper “God are you there?” Just when all hope is gone I hear a faint knock coming from the outside of the wall.  At first I am no too sure if it is just the sound of my lonely heart barely beating as I struggle to stay alive or was there someone really out there. As I look up and the knocking stops. I cry out “Is someone out there, can anyone hear me?”  Just then I hear a faint voice saying “it is I.” “Who”, I say. The voice says "the one you called.” “God is it really you?” I say. “Yes, my dear child, I heard you call out to me.  What are you doing in there?” I continue to tell him how I built a wall with all the lies I have been told, the lies I have said, and the pain and sorrow I felt. He said “I know I was there trying to telling you the truth, but you wouldn’t believe me you just kept stacking the bricks.” “I’m sorry God; I thought I was strong enough to do it myself, besides those lies sounded so real.  Please help me get out.” God tells me to close my eyes; think of a lie I believe about myself, and tell Him what it was, so I do.  I shout out “I’m not good enough.” He then says “open your eyes what do you see?” I say “One of the bricks is glowing.” He tells me that on the count of three to touch the brick and that he will touch the other side at the same time I you do.  On the count of three we both touch the brick.  There is a bright light and the brick crumbles and disappears. Through that hole a sunbeam shines through. My heart starts to calm and hope sets in. I begin to cry but this time it is tears of joy, because now I know with God’s help I will get out.  One by one I tell God the lie and we both touch the brick and it crumbles and disappears.  At one point I look up and see the bricks above me shake and become unsteady.  I begin to fear that this is too much and if I continue they will all come crashing down on me.  I tell God that I don’t know if I can go on and tell him that I am afraid that they will all come crashing down on me.  He tells me everything is going to be ok and to continue to trust Him. So again we face those lies one by one.  I hear a crashing sound and see the bricks begin to fall.  I fall to my knees and cover my head awaiting the bricks to fall on me.  Next thing I know God is holding me and shielding me just as the bricks come crashing down around me.  The dust is thick and consuming, but the warmth of my Savior shielding me gives me comfort.  As the dust clears the sun is bright, the sky is clear, and the walls in down.  As I look up I See His loving face.  With tears in my I say “thank you, I am free.”  Not another word is said but He pulls me close and hugs me tight.  I know now that with God everything is going to be alright.

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