Friday, April 27, 2012
I have been so overwhelmed with life and with everything thing that is happening. I feel like I am on auto pilot set on a course, but never looking up or even forward. I have been trying to figure everything out and control an outcome that I really never had control of to begin with. I have been so consumed with the issues in life and the daily struggle to keep going that I have lost sight of what is really important. I have taken my eyes off of Christ and the blessings He has given me. I have Him in sight, but it is in my puerperal vision and not straight on or certainly not focused on. So many questions have been running through my mind and various scenarios have played out there as well, but what about faith? What about trust? What about Grace? I am tired of just going through the motions. I want to live and enjoy what life has to offer and in what God has planned. I don’t know why I struggle with fear of the unknown because there is a long pattern of God showing up at the prefect time and rescuing me over and over again. He has never forgotten me or forsaken me, never. I have been the one to turn away even if slightly or even completely. But He has never, not once not been there for me. It has been my doubt, my fear, my mistrust, my sin, and my plain stubbornness that has separated me from Him. Has everything always turned out the way I wanted them to, no but thank God they didn’t. God always has the best in mind for me not just ok. Even the things that the world would deem awful, God has turned them into something beautiful. I have also been holding onto many things like hurt, anger, fear, disappointments, regrets, and so on. I can’t hold on to those things any longer. They were never mine to kept to begin with. Once I accepted God as my personal Savior He took those things from me. I just need to give them to Him for keeps and never take them back. There is so much in my life I know I need to change and I have been trying to do it by myself. The reason why they are not working is because I was never meant to face those things alone, so how can I change them alone? The answer is I can’t do it alone or have everything change at once. I realize that some things can change right away but others will take time. With God’s help everything will turn out just the way He planned and not how I planned. In this life we will have struggles and heartache. We will have trials and victory. However, with God all things are possible.